Listen

To the song here in my heart
A melody I start but can't complete
Listen to the sound from deep within
It's only beginning to find release

Important Note to My Readers: Blogger will contain my more personal thoughts as well as specifics. Tumblr, on the other hand will carry fun things and the more generalized side of issues.

Lately, I have found myself contemplating relationships (yet again)! I'm not a hopeless romantic. I am, however, in love with love, but only to a certain extent. The idealistic features of love interest me in some ways, but I conjure up my own types of love, ways of love, ways of loving. I love love in its entirety. It's beautiful and life changing. My point here is that, I don't care what anyone thinks. Yeah, maybe I may talk about love and relationships all over blogger and tumblr, but that's not what I'm all about. Love is just something beautifully complicated that I want to understand... That I want to learn and practice. That I want to perfect (in my own way, of course).

Thoughts:
1. I love the feeling of being appreciated.
2. I like witnessing progress and effort.
3. I admire a lot of people for a lot of different reasons.
4. I don't miss high school.
5. I miss singing.
6. I still love my family...
7. I love everything we are together.
8. Dreams Reality
9. He makes me happy, and that's all that matters.
10. Fuck the rest.

Harlen, my love

Exactly how it's written:

"This may bite me in the ass later, but I can't help but express the way I'm feeling.

Harlen, let me begin by saying thank you for being there. I know you're an inanimate object and that you provide me with no feedback whatsoever; however, I adore that you literally let my words and feelings soak into you... and permanently they stay. Thank you.

I would love to write in an organized fashion but my sense of organization and sanity have escaped me temporarily.
I absolutely love love. Love seems to be the only subject I can openly talk about. And by love I mean the good and the bad, the hurt and the laughter, the tears and the smiles, the cheating and the committing. I don't know why I am this way but I am.

Let me make a confession. There's only one person who knows absolutely everything worth knowing about me. I highly doubt that this person even knows that they're the only one. I'm unashamed and I feel okay with the fact that you know about everything. I wanted to start new, so here I am. New and ready.

I have to admit something else as well. I want to be appreciated. Simple "thanks" is all I need. I don't need some fancy present, a token of appreciation, or pay back. Appreciation and acknowledgment of efforts are all I want. I don't think that's very hard, now is it?

I love the feeling he gives me.
(Eh... unorganized!)

I just thought of Alicia Keys' Diary. 


Lay your head on my pillow,
here you can be yourself.


I won't tell your secrets,
your secrets are safe with me.
I will keep your secrets,
just think of me as the pages in your diary.


SO, I had a conversation with Godfrey last night that was intense in a some sense. I adore how we never argue; rather, we talk things out. I love it. Just saying...

I don't like playing games. I've played games, and I've been played. It's not exactly the most satisfying feeling in the world. To be honest, I'm disgusted by those who continue to play games and those who allow themselves to be played with. I may be referring to myself too when I say this, but wake the fuck up! You should never settle for less. Never, ever. Not in a thousand years. You are deserving.

I hate it when people are unappreciative and do not realize what they have until it's fucking gone. The thing that annoys me the most is this... From my own experiences, I have found that I seriously, honestly give my all when I'm in a relationship. I simply cannot help it and I refuse to lower my efforts EVEN WHEN the efforts are uneven. So my point here is, is that people do not fight for their significant other until they're nearly out of their very grasp. People take their loved one for granted and when all goes wrong, that is the wake up call. That is when these unappreciative, ignorant people get off their asses and begin the fight, when the battle has already been lost. It's a ridiculous concept, but that's the way it is. Fellas, you should always be fighting for your lady. She should never be taken for granted, nor should she be treated without respect. You need to keep her close, I'm telling you that now. If you don't show your appreciation through ordinary acts of thanks, such as oh I don't know... saying "Thank You," that's fucking low and so goddamn disrespectful. Grow some balls and say it. Say it like you mean it and mean it when you say it.

Ladies, treat him like a king. If he doesn't realize that you appreciate him and that you do so much for him, it's not worth it. I kind of just went against myself. Whatever. I'm just the type to keep showing my appreciation and to keep my man happy even though I may not be receiving the same treatment. For me, it's satisfaction. Satisfaction in knowing that I'M doing what I'm supposed to be doing. If he, on the other hand, does not realize these things... HE looks like the ass.

Another thing! Keep your man or woman pleased. Always. I think that this is one of the biggest reasons why people cheat. By pleased, I don't just mean physically, but emotionally and mentally. Physically... PLEASE HER. I'm sure you know where that's going. Emotionally... be there for her. Show her that you care. Show her the love that she needs and wants. Mentally... Give her confidence. Show her off. Make her feel good. Don't make things complicated. Keep her close. Don't let her out of your grasp. Don't put her down. Don't, just don't.

I don't know what else to say right now.
I really don't know where I've gone with this journal entry, but I'm glad I wrote it.
I feel a lot better now, thanks Harlen.

Fondly, with all my love,
Lalique Kae Gangcuangco"