Listen

To the song here in my heart
A melody I start but can't complete
Listen to the sound from deep within
It's only beginning to find release

Important Note to My Readers: Blogger will contain my more personal thoughts as well as specifics. Tumblr, on the other hand will carry fun things and the more generalized side of issues.

Lately, I have found myself contemplating relationships (yet again)! I'm not a hopeless romantic. I am, however, in love with love, but only to a certain extent. The idealistic features of love interest me in some ways, but I conjure up my own types of love, ways of love, ways of loving. I love love in its entirety. It's beautiful and life changing. My point here is that, I don't care what anyone thinks. Yeah, maybe I may talk about love and relationships all over blogger and tumblr, but that's not what I'm all about. Love is just something beautifully complicated that I want to understand... That I want to learn and practice. That I want to perfect (in my own way, of course).

Thoughts:
1. I love the feeling of being appreciated.
2. I like witnessing progress and effort.
3. I admire a lot of people for a lot of different reasons.
4. I don't miss high school.
5. I miss singing.
6. I still love my family...
7. I love everything we are together.
8. Dreams Reality
9. He makes me happy, and that's all that matters.
10. Fuck the rest.

Harlen, my love

Exactly how it's written:

"This may bite me in the ass later, but I can't help but express the way I'm feeling.

Harlen, let me begin by saying thank you for being there. I know you're an inanimate object and that you provide me with no feedback whatsoever; however, I adore that you literally let my words and feelings soak into you... and permanently they stay. Thank you.

I would love to write in an organized fashion but my sense of organization and sanity have escaped me temporarily.
I absolutely love love. Love seems to be the only subject I can openly talk about. And by love I mean the good and the bad, the hurt and the laughter, the tears and the smiles, the cheating and the committing. I don't know why I am this way but I am.

Let me make a confession. There's only one person who knows absolutely everything worth knowing about me. I highly doubt that this person even knows that they're the only one. I'm unashamed and I feel okay with the fact that you know about everything. I wanted to start new, so here I am. New and ready.

I have to admit something else as well. I want to be appreciated. Simple "thanks" is all I need. I don't need some fancy present, a token of appreciation, or pay back. Appreciation and acknowledgment of efforts are all I want. I don't think that's very hard, now is it?

I love the feeling he gives me.
(Eh... unorganized!)

I just thought of Alicia Keys' Diary. 


Lay your head on my pillow,
here you can be yourself.


I won't tell your secrets,
your secrets are safe with me.
I will keep your secrets,
just think of me as the pages in your diary.


SO, I had a conversation with Godfrey last night that was intense in a some sense. I adore how we never argue; rather, we talk things out. I love it. Just saying...

I don't like playing games. I've played games, and I've been played. It's not exactly the most satisfying feeling in the world. To be honest, I'm disgusted by those who continue to play games and those who allow themselves to be played with. I may be referring to myself too when I say this, but wake the fuck up! You should never settle for less. Never, ever. Not in a thousand years. You are deserving.

I hate it when people are unappreciative and do not realize what they have until it's fucking gone. The thing that annoys me the most is this... From my own experiences, I have found that I seriously, honestly give my all when I'm in a relationship. I simply cannot help it and I refuse to lower my efforts EVEN WHEN the efforts are uneven. So my point here is, is that people do not fight for their significant other until they're nearly out of their very grasp. People take their loved one for granted and when all goes wrong, that is the wake up call. That is when these unappreciative, ignorant people get off their asses and begin the fight, when the battle has already been lost. It's a ridiculous concept, but that's the way it is. Fellas, you should always be fighting for your lady. She should never be taken for granted, nor should she be treated without respect. You need to keep her close, I'm telling you that now. If you don't show your appreciation through ordinary acts of thanks, such as oh I don't know... saying "Thank You," that's fucking low and so goddamn disrespectful. Grow some balls and say it. Say it like you mean it and mean it when you say it.

Ladies, treat him like a king. If he doesn't realize that you appreciate him and that you do so much for him, it's not worth it. I kind of just went against myself. Whatever. I'm just the type to keep showing my appreciation and to keep my man happy even though I may not be receiving the same treatment. For me, it's satisfaction. Satisfaction in knowing that I'M doing what I'm supposed to be doing. If he, on the other hand, does not realize these things... HE looks like the ass.

Another thing! Keep your man or woman pleased. Always. I think that this is one of the biggest reasons why people cheat. By pleased, I don't just mean physically, but emotionally and mentally. Physically... PLEASE HER. I'm sure you know where that's going. Emotionally... be there for her. Show her that you care. Show her the love that she needs and wants. Mentally... Give her confidence. Show her off. Make her feel good. Don't make things complicated. Keep her close. Don't let her out of your grasp. Don't put her down. Don't, just don't.

I don't know what else to say right now.
I really don't know where I've gone with this journal entry, but I'm glad I wrote it.
I feel a lot better now, thanks Harlen.

Fondly, with all my love,
Lalique Kae Gangcuangco"

Please

Don't get the wrong idea.

Valerie,
Hope all is well. From what I've heard, you're happy. I'm happy for you, love.

Jesmond,
Where you at, foo? Haha, we CANNOT only see each other on Mondays and Wednesdays. This needs to stop.

Fawzi,
I miss you. Your calculator is still missing as of right now. Sorry, I fucked up.

Pitts,

I miss you too, but you don't seem to make time for me like I make time for you. I love you though. Twins, sisters, soul mates for life.

Dom,

I love being your mommy and daddy. I promise that everything will be okay.

Godfrey,

Good Life. I love us. There's room to grow.

Christine,

I hope you're truly happy! We aren't all that close, but we can relate. All my love, love.

Stephanie,
I love you, mama. Thanks for your patience and friendship for the past 6 years of being best friends. 3 more days! November 14, 2003 remember?

Blunt

To be honest, I am terrified of the day when this happiness is far out of my grasp. When what I have learned to love and what I have become accustomed to are simply distant memories. It takes me a long time to find happiness, genuine happiness, that is here to stay because by the time I realize that what I have found is what I’ve been looking for, it strays. I’m terrified of finding myself alone in the dark, loving no one but myself. Of waking up hugging a stiff, cold pillow rather than the warm body of my soul mate, my male counter part, my other half. I’m terrified of going through a long, hard day of work without someone to help ease my stress at the end of the day. Without my very own drug to ease the pain, my very own Tylenol. I’m terrified of finding myself walking around the park not holding on to anything but the breeze that so quickly is in between my fingers and sooner than I know it, out of reach again. I am terrified of getting used to staying home again. Getting used to keeping to myself, being by myself. In solitude. I’m terrified of no longer thinking of cute surprises and future plans for us. Of knowing that there is no longer a ‘future’. Of knowing that there is no longer ‘us’. I am terrified of realizing that the “I love you’s” that we so shyly uttered in silence have become silenced. For good. I am terrified of losing this damn feeling. This feeling of belonging, this feeling of acceptance, of companionship, of support, of comfort, of security—things I never find so easily.

And when you take a huge step back to look at the relationship you have, the relationship you’re going to have, the relationship you want… this is what you see. You allow yourself to acknowledge all the things you don’t want to lose. You see the things you want and don’t want. You see what you will and will not have when the love is gone. You see what you will lose if you loosen that grip, don’t try hard enough, love a little less.

My bad, did I get my thought vomit all over you?

October Memory No. 24-30

#24: Work and Brother Hans' going away party; Didn't see B
#25: g-frey's basketball game, Cabazon w/ Gozos'! First time in Burberry, Coach, Gucci, etc. (lololol) Thanks Tita and Tito
#26: School, work, g-frey's
#27: Work, g-frey's? Eh, I don't remember
#28: School, work, home
#29: Stayed home w/baby; college apps and nappy naps, work, terrible fucking headache of doom, baby's, Yosh, then home
#30: O Hallow's Eve; Work, pick up broski, then g-frey for the rest of the day!

Sorry to Val Baby and Andrew Choe for not being able to pull through with our plans because I got called in for work. Next time, praaamise!

So I have a lot on my mind, but I'm having writer's block.
I think I'm going to go grab a Caramel Freeze from Kelly's now! Nom nom nom.

Nothing seems to effect me anymore--negativity and other sad shit. Pre-menstrual, menstrual, and post-menstrual syndromes, however, are inevitable for me. Hahaha -__-
I'm happy and I don't give a fuck 'bout all that other bullshit.

OH and YAY for boot, scarf, beret, leather jacket, and leather leggings season! Aaooow!

I'm in love

with my life for once.

October Memory No. 21-23

I'm in need of a vent session.

I haven't been anything but happy in a long time,

until right now.

#21 October 21, 2009: School in the morning, work 4-9 right after, Barnes and Noble, baby time, home.

#22 October 22, 2009: Work 10-5, baby afternoon-evening.

#23 October 23, 2009: Lunch with Stephy Mama at Chili's, her house to kick it, work 4-9, drop off Missy, babe's...

October Memory No. 8-20

See there's the good guys
and also heartbreak crooks.

g-frey lovin' all day everyday.
(Thanks Fawz)

Significant Events as of Late:

#8 October 8, 2009-Training at iCrystalize
#9 October 9, 2009-Training at iCrystalize

#10 October 10, 2009-Make-up and dress at Val's, g-frey's, English Springs Park, pictures, RA Sushi at the Shoppes, Homecoming at Walnut High School, dance, dance, dance, g-frey's

#11 October 11, 2009-Work, g-frey's, L-BOMB!

#12 October 12, 2009-School, V-Gen, g-frey's

#13 October 13, 2009-Work iCrystalize, V-Gen PayDay, g-frey's

#14 October 14, 2009-School, work iCrystalize

#15 October 15, 2009-Work iCrystalize, kick it with Den, g-frey's

#16 October 16, 2009-Errands with Chester, Top of The World?!, Walgreens, Rainier's party, meet new people, see old people, pick up sister, Chen, Mitchell, and John with Gene, pick up Godfrey with Gene, party, driving Val's car, Carl's Jr. with Godfrey, Bryce, Val, and Monica, Val's house to kick it, pick up and drop off Chen, g-frey's.

#17 October 17, 2009-SURPRISE trip Disneyland, California Adventure, and Downtown Disney with my babybabybaby! Happiest girl on Earth? Yessiree.

#18 October 18, 2009-Baby's basketball game, quality time, errands, and Michael's Cajun Seafood. Nom nom nom!

#19 October 19, 2009-RAINIER'S 19th BIRTHDAY! 1st to greet him by phone (: Kaiser, pharmacy, work, g-frey time

#20 TODAY, October 20, 2009-Work 10-whenever Jackie gets here, Writing Center at Mt. Sac, baby time for the rest of the day?!

I'm fucking happy. No lie.

There's one thing that has me quite bewildered... That would be the fact that when you're available, no one gets at you, but as soon as you're unavailable, everyone's on your damn balls. What's up with that bullshit? Hahaha I don't care though. I wouldn't trade what I've got for anything/anyone else.

I'm listening to Ego by Beyonce featuring Kanye. Haha, I was listening to a shit load of Alicia Keys earlier. She's my babygirl, man. My goddamn idol, hahaha. I'm so gay sometimes!

Since I've been sitting in this cart, I have made 4 sales. OH MY, I noticed that nearly every couple that has walked by me was arguing. Eh, one chick was crying 'cause some foo was yelling at her. Random stuff today, man!

Update later! Haha, I guess I didn't really lose track of my activities lately because I've been keeping track on my phone's calendar. (:

Disneyland pictures later!

Being Gay

Karina Pasian's Can't Find The Words

BTW, I have lost track of time and events completely. Damn it.

October Memory No. 7

#7.0: Got ready at Jesmond's
#7.1: School
#7.2: Pho with Jesmond, Patrick, and Joey
#7.3: Down to earth talks
#7.4: Home for shower and snacks
#7.5: Met up with Chester and kicked it
#7.6: Counseling appointment for Ed. Plan
#7.7: iCrystalize
#7.8: FriendBoy's
#7.9: Food at home = bomb.com

Fuck, I am SO excited about my Ed. Plan and my 2nd job.
Livin' the Good Life, always.

October Memory No. 6

#6.0: Work 9:30-3:30
#6.1: Staples, PetSmart, Game Stop, and Fresh&Easy with Joey
#6.2: Errands, errands, errands
#6.3: Gutsy Nogales boy
#6.4: Project with Joey at home
#6.5: Interesting conversations
#6.6: Low-key shit
#6.7:Niko's 20th Birthday Dinner at Guppy's
#6.8: Baby's
#6.9: 'Grounded'

October Memory No. 5

#5.0: Ride to school with best friend

#5.1: Icey caramel blend

#5.2: Home for lasagna and mac n cheese

#5.3: Work with Jenny

#5.4: Boots and Dennis during my 30 minute

#5.5: Pretzels with Dennis, Jose and Rosemarie

#5.6: Adorable sleeper

#5.7: Real talk

#5.8: Expressing how you feel is not easy. Help me.

#5.9: And at the end of the day, it's you.

October Memory No. 4

#4.0: g-frey morning, TuneSquad game at NHS, errands, lunch at Round Table, home!

#4.1: Nice, refreshing nap in the living room 'till baby called.

#4.2: Played out, but this cuddle weather is my fucking favorite.

#4.3: Olay soap, face wash, and mud mask are doing me damn good

#4.4: "Dancing is the way to a woman's heart"

#4.5: That's 70's Show is fucking awesome.

#4.6: Good conversation with Francis on AIM

#4.7: "Isn't that a sign of love... Love?!"

#4.8: President Obama's Dreams from My Father

#4.9: Homecoming excitement!

Being this happy is utterly amazing.

I wanna spend this evening breathing in your fragranceeeee

EDIT EDIT EDIT

Why, hello cute thang.

October Memory No. 3

#3: Homecoming shopping and Zombieland

1. Don't expect anything

2. Don't be afraid to express yourself

3. Golden Rule

4. Women are emotional creatures, women are emotional creatures, women are emotional creatures!

Gene Ian, thank you.

October Memory No. 2

#2: Spent my day with Gene from 12PM-5:30PM at Kohl's, Chili's, NHS, and Shadow Oak Park.

#2.5: Dave and Buster's with g-frey and Paguio family!

Good day. Good night.

Degrassi before bed.

Life's good. Take it easy.

October Memory No. 1.5

1. Vous n'etes pas seul. Je suis ici. (I can't find a circumflex for my 'e', lol)

2. Keep ya head up.

3. Get yo' shit straight, dummy.

4. I hope you're doing well and that life's treating you kindly.

5. I miss us Dec. '07-Feb. '08

Earlier: Babeh slept for 3 hours while I wrote numerous letters.

#1.5 Now: Fantasy Draft, pizza, Lomi, Bryce on the phone, and Gibberish.

I enjoy spending time with him. It's always lovely, even when we're doing our own things while we're in the same room. He makes me laugh. I just talked to my sister. SHE cracked me up sick like. I don't even know why.

I think I'm going to knock out for a while.

Life's Good. Take it easy.

October Memory No. 1

It's October already. That's not a bad thing. It's simply just that I only wrote 11 blogs in September. I suck. Asdfghjkl;! Sorry, Blogspot. I've neglected you once more. ):

g-frey's sleeping, which enabled me to write two letters!

Sweet!

#1: I'm happy! Happier than ever.

It's an extraordinary feeling, really. I can't really get it out of my system, so I figured that I should let it stay until it goes away. I'm not going to let it go away though! (:

Things have been great; however, I'm terrible with keeping up with myself, absolutely terrible.

I need to continue to write in my journal, Harlen or update this blog more often. I seriously have a horrible memory and I don't really remember things. Sucks. I fear that one day I'm going to lose my memory to some degenerative disease and no one will ever know what events took place in my life. I must must must keep track of things better.

Ta ta for now.

I don't know what to write about because I can not remember anything. ):

Oh, how I love

Fridays!

Today was, for the lack of a better word, great.

Show me, show me the good life.

Overly satisfied and feelin' better than EVER.

Yours Truly

Write me from afar.
Write me from near.
Write me with like, with love.

I would love to be yours.

Truly.

What It Means

to be a REAL woman.

I love my English class!
I'll update about what has been going on tomorrow.

Tomorrow, Thursday, September 24, 2009:

Happy 18th Birthday, Jesmond! I love you, best friend!

Guess Whos

14. I have always cared about you a lot and I still cannot come up with a reason why.

13. I miss you terribly.

12. You're lost. You can't hang. You're hurt and in distress. That's perfectly fine. Acknowledge your problems and do something about them.

11. I miss your company as well as the comfort and easiness I once felt.

10. You mean well, I'm sure. I apologize for not being as good to you as you are to me.

09. I have made my share of mistakes. I do not want to, can not, and will not do you like that.

08. I will admit it. This is scary and I am scared out of my skin.

07. You have come so far and are strong. Do not allow yourself to backslide. You are going places.

06. You are always, always, always there. Thank you. Keep your head up.

05. Give me reassurance, a sign, the go signal, something.

04. I am simply glad that we have stayed this close after so many years.

03. You have absolutely no idea what you mean to me; however, it is fair because I have absolutely no idea what I mean to you.

02. You know how to grind my gears, but you never cease to make me laugh.

01. We took each other for granted.

00. Don't leave.

I don't really want

to care.
However, I do. Secretly.

Commence Class Discussion,.

Gentlemen, what does it mean to be a man?

Responsible
Protector
Provider
Role Model
All-Around Strong
Educated/Intelligent
Wise
Integrity
Resourceful/Independent
Respectful
Humble
God-Fearing
Diligent
Courageous
Forgiving
Thoughtful
Polite/Well-Mannered
Common Sense

However, there are always lines drawn in between.
This discussion was rather interesting. I would love to explain what all of this means or why the hell I put this up here, but it does not seem to serve great importance. Therefore, I'll end it here.

P.S. If you're curious, then ask me. I would not mind explaining.

Fondly,
Lalique Kae

Whatever happened

to real, genuine type shit?

Damn, so I haven't been able to keep up with myself lately. I've been doing something everyday and my activities usually consist of either work, school, family activities, girl friend dates, or Godfrey. Everything has been absolutely great lately, and I can admit that I love my days and nights, mornings, afternoons, and evenings. I love my life right now. I've never really said that before because I never felt this way before, where everything seems to be in place or seems to be going well. Sorry, God, for not appreciating all my blessings any sooner, but I feel truly blessed due to this epiphany.

Anyway, I'll update on my week in a short and sweet type of manner:
Last Thursday, I kicked it with Missy Baby at Flame Broiler, picked up dom, went home to talk more, and then went to Chipotle after picking up Mary and Leah. I met Dennis and got some free Chipotle. I then spent an evening with Godfrey and picked up my
mom at PHM.

Last Friday, I picked up Missy and brought her to work. I kicked it with Dennis at his phone case stand in front of Sanrio. We got to know each other a little bit and I tried on some phone cases for my iPhone. Cutesy smoke case, imma getchu soon! I was supposed to go to the WHS vs DB football game, but maaah man wanted to kick it with his homies so I spent my evening at the mall talking to Dennis, then went to the pharmacy, then waited for Godfrey again. Got tired of waiting, went to sleep, received a call, woke up, had a talk till 12 and went to sleep.

Last Saturday, was my girlfriend's birthday! Happy 19th, Stephy Mama! I spent my morning with B, had work from 9:30-3:30, picked up B, visited and talked to Val, went to Stephy's, left, went to Vineland Drive In, had some street tacos, and came home almost at 1.

Last Sunday was G-Frey's first game for Pacrim! Aaaoow, #21! Haha, I dropped off my sister in the morning at swapmeet, went over to B's to sleep more, went home to get ready for breakfast, didn't have breakfast, went to 10:30 mass at St. Lorenzo's, then headed to B's game! TuneSquad won, baby made some points, and the guys played well despite rustiness. Met some new people, and saw the usuals. Went to Godfrey's so he could shower, went to my house, ate some bomb.com food Momma Bear made, then left for "Pauline's", went to Downtown Fullerton to Buffalo, walked around Brea, went to Shadow Oak Park and headed home. Thanks B! I think that's what we did. Hahaa.

I'll update about Monday-Today laters.

Fondly,
Lalique Kae

What's Good?

Hello blog readers,
I'm currently at G-Frey's bahay. He's eating a homemade hamburger and drinking some water. Yum yums, riiiight? Ha, anyway lemme update on my recent activities.

Last, last Friday, which was September 4, 2009, was an OK type of day. I believe that I spent my morning with Jesmond at a Toyota Dealership, getting a maintenance check for my baby Major the Matrix! Anyway, after that, I dropped off Jesmond and went out with Gene Ian Diaz, homeh! I had a great time with Gene. Haha I love that guy so freaking maats! We kicked it at the Puente Hills Mall, where we ended up running into Rhey and Jasmine! We all caught up with each other and decided to kick it togeter for a while. After an hour or so, we all headed over to Rite Aide for ice cream. Shit was nom noms! Rhey treated, bahaha. Thanks Rhey! Anyway, later on Gene dropped me off at home. I then picked up my sister before 7:30 PM, and then waited for Godfrey. Let's just say we didn't go out until 9:30. To sum up the rst of the night, I can say that there was a lot of talking, explaining and making up at Diamond Plaza. Then it was sleepytime!

Holy crap, I have to admit, I have absolutely lost track of all my activities from way back when, I can only remember the recents and the important ones. Wow, haha I'll write a new post later. My bad, I fucked up. Ahaha!

Fondly, Lalique Kae

So could you be my best friend,

before you call yourself my man.

Alright bloggers, so here is the blog that I have been writing and rewriting, the blog I have been so tentative about publishing, the blog that depicts all that has been wandering in my mind. I can not help but notice that I may be just a tad over analytical, or sometimes too irrational or too rational.

Brace yoursef for word and thought vomit. Thank you and enjoy the ride!

Talking, dating, liking, lusting, loving, leaving, hating, repeating. I honeslty do not have any idea what half of these things mean anymore. The whole "dating" thing is an entirely new thing to me. As some of you may know, I started dating recently after BA and I broke up. Dating is something amazing yet confusing. You meet new people, you admire one another from across the table, playground, court, school, road or even classroom, you engage in some sort of conversation that you either find genuine or typical, you go out and share special moments, you claim a status of talking or dating, you spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, and months together, you find yourself having some new firsts, you develop a liking for one another, you get in deeper maybe even too deep, you fall in love, and then what? Is this just a routine that we all go through? Is there supposed to be some sort of pace that we must go by or else what we have is wrong? Is there any way out of the cliche, typical, ordinary things about relationships? I have no idea, seriously. It is quite a disappointment to me. A lot of things. I can not sem to put my finger on one thing about relationships that disappoints me.

Lately, I have noticed that the 'best', longest, most inspirational, and unique relationships have been falling apart or have ended. What is up with that (my recently ended relationship included)? It is amazing how people can spend many years together or apart, in and out of love, and all of a sudden all of it becomes nothing but a memory of the past. Astonishing, is it not?

What is love nowadays anyway? This love things is often confused with lust, like, infatuation, and obsession. I do not even know where to begin on this love subject.

Oh, let me talk about guys. Guys, boys, men. They are everywhere. Our planet is mildly and heavily populated with all kinds of the male species. Let us get real here and now. I do not necessarily claim myself to be the dependent type of woman. I like to do my own thing and be my own person. What woman would not? I like to keep myself independent, but deep inside, I am aware of my longing to be held, cuddled, liked, admired, adored, loved. I have to admit that I like the feeling of all these things. I have always admired some people who seem to have it all. I see girls who have no damn idea that they are loved so much by a guy, or even liked. It is absolutely absurd to me. How do you NOT notice, you know? I am envious of these girls because they have what I do not, I suppose. They have things that I do not have, yup that is definitely it.

It is not necessarily that I do not have the things that they have, but maybe that I have yet to find those things. The norm, as I have recently noticed, is that some boys and girls meet at parties and you know how it goes from there. There are not very many genuine meetings and stories that preceed a relationship, though it has been said, "With every great love comes a great story".

It is definitely hard to find the 'right' guy nowadays. I have come across guys who have way too many connections, if you know what I mean. There are some guys who have been around, dating as anyone would, and that is perfectly fine. The only problem is that just because you can get what you want, it does not mean that you can fuck people over and fuck whoever (literally as well as figuratively). That is absolutely ridiculous to me. The whole concept of lust, infatuation, and obsession and the physical attraction and value of only physical attributes and offerings that follow lust, infatuation, and obsession disgust me and are no longer in my book. I do not appreciate and will not appreciate anyone who is simply attracted to me. It is too much for my heart to handle because I have been there, people have done that, and I am done with all that.

Where is the genuine, movie, book and fantasy type of love nowadays? Is it gone forever right before I even stumbled upon it? If that holds true, then I am disappointed that I missed out but I would definitely like to find it for myself.

So people have been judging some relationships. I have to admit, I did too, but once you get into one of those relationships that you have been talking shit about, you realize that all the shit that goes on is controllable by the two people in the relationship. Sometimes people think that two people talking/dating is random. That is natural because it probably is random. People talk shit about the people trying to have a new relationship, about the people in the relationship trying to change/turn over a new leaf. Do you people have any idea how hard things get if you interfere like that? Some people are straight up homewreckers. Some people are just straight up jealous. Some people are just staright fucked up.

I do not listen to what people tell me about the person I am dating. I know I would absolutely hate it if the person I was dating only listened to what others said about me. Why allow the past, or what people say about someone's past, affect and influence your current relationship? Why does all that shit matter anyway? Truth is though, that it creates a barrier or a guard for the person hearing stuff. It creates some insecurities, but the things you hear should not influence your feelings about the person you are dating. It is not fair to allow the past and someone's mistakes influence who they are now, what you are now, and what you two will be.

I discussed this with Missy yesterday. I hate the feeling of being alone. If you remember, I have previously stated that my biggest fear is ending up alone, without anyone to love or love me. I know that I am only 18 going on 19, but the future scares the shit out of me! I hate going through relationship after relationship, guy after guy, drama after drama, hurt after hurt and ending up with nothing but memories and longing for something new. It sucks when you spend so much time on something like a relationship and a guy, but they end up only wanting one thing or wanting nothing at all. How ridiculous is that? But that is just the thing, we need to stop finding those people who say "I found her/him," and rather find the person that you can say, "We found each other," with (credit to Zaldy, btw). I never really thought of it that way. It's okay, maybe now is just not that time, then again... maybe it is. (:

Oh you know what also bothered me once, just for a split second? Pam tweeted this: "I guess I hate every girl he used to be with bcus at one point of time... he was their world, not mine." Oh I think that goes the same the other way too. "I guess I hate every girl he used to be with bcus at one point of time... she was his world, not me." Aaaoow!

So what is that I am looking for, anyway?! I know what I want, definitely. I can honestly say that I have found a lot of guys who have what I am looking for. I have found myself interested in guys who have the things that I am looking for, but they got it all wrong. I have found myself interested in guys who have what I am looking for, but not everything. I have found myself interested in guys who do not have anything I am looking for, but I am interested anyway. So what is it? My Momma told me that you will always have expectations and ideals for a man. The thing is, is that when you are in love and when you fall in love, all those expectations and ideals can mean absolutely nothing. You end up giving up all those expectations, values, and ideals because you love that person for who they are, whether they possess your expecatations and ideals or not. Is that not amazing? I have definitely found that to be true, from my experiences. Just food for thought, I guess.

Ugh, what the hell have I been writing about? Honestly, this was straight up word and thought vomit. Sorry guys! Hope you enjoyed being in my mind though. (:

PS. W'sup #21?! You do not blog! Oh and your first game is on Sunday. #1 fan and support raaah here!

OH SNAP, I forgot my Dear You's! Later then... I guess! ):

Take it easy.
Fondly, Lalique Kae

Come With Me

by Sammie is my current musical muse.

Good morning,

Things have been absolutely great lately. There was a down somewhere in between, but it's difficulties were resolved rather easily. I have a lot to blog about, so I should get started now.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009:

I'm going to admit that I honestly do not remember anything from this day. All I remember is that I woke up early as usual. I did not have my usual morning class on this particular Wednesday, but that was only because my professor got surgery on her achilis tendon. Anyway, since my next class was not to commence until 12:10, I decided to relax and get some things straight. I spent my morning texting Stephanie and Godfrey while trying to nap a little bit. My attempt at napping failed miserably. Anyway, I started to get ready for school around 9:30. I headed over to Jesmond's at 10:45. I got there right on the dot, haha. Anyway, we headed to school at 11. We bonded with classmates for the first time and attempted to vaguely get to know each other. It was cool. Class was great! We read and did some activities. In addition to that we were given our first essay prompt and essay! OKAY, OKAY, I lied! I'm starting to remember exactly what I did on this wonderful Wednesday. Anyway, after class, Jesmond and I bought some boba because it was blazin' outside! We then headed home. I dropped him off at his house and I went home. I began my essay promptly because I wanted to go out with Godfrey in the evening. Around 6:30, after writing my Introduction and two body paragraphs, I headed over to Godfrey's to kick it. Our chill sesh didn't start out very well, for various unspeakable reasons. He did his homework while I napped/watched him secretly. Silence. I left his house around 7:20 to pick up my brother and sister. Short apologies and unknown anger. We got home and Godfrey picked me up for our date at 7:45. He took me to a place in Yes Plaza. We sat and talked, got some things straight, and had a genuine conversation. Real talk, it was a good night. It didn't start out the way we wanted, but it ended well! We headed home to make sure we got to my house around 9, and we did... 9:04. Haha alllll specific, I know. Anyway, we chilled in my house for a while 'till he had to leave. I believe that was the end of my night! Haha.

Thursday, September 3, 2009:

I did my usual routine which consisted of waking up early, dropping off my siblings and relaxing. Stephy Mama and I had a picnic at Shadow Oak Park which was cutesies! I bought some snackage for us at Target and deposited a check at WF. Anyway, Stephy picked me up around 10:50! We headed to the park right away and found a spot under the gazebo thang. We talked A LOT because we had A LOT to catch up on. Haha, forreal. Conversating with her was really nice and it was cool to be able to say whatever I needed to say because I really needed to get some things off of my chest. Random thought: Godfrey called me during lunch as usual. Anyway, I ate a lot of mandarin oranges and jello and drank a lot of apple juice and water! Oh my, those chocolate dunkers that Steph brought from Pizza Hut were pretty bomb! Haha. Anyway, we bounced to go look for a DVD that she needed. We found ourselves at the movie section of Target in West Covina. We found the American Pie movies and copped 'em! Stephy was ballin' with a $50, deyum. Hahahaha, yeh. So then we headed over to the West Covina Mall to kick it. We walked around, and went into stores like Victoria's Secret and the new Best Buy that's there. After the mall, we decided to grub at El Pollo Loco and Wendy's! Bahaha, t'was bomb. Some chick totally dug me, dog! Haha, just kidding. It was weird tho, she gave me a free drink cup and took off $1 or two off of my order. Whaaatthe?! Yeah, whatevs! Thanks tho! (: So we grubbed, then Stephy dropped me off at my house. We left going separate ways. I picked up my brother and headed home right away because I had work at 3:30! I stopped by Godfrey baby's for a bit. We chilled for like 5 minutes 'cause he lagged through traffic, s'all gravy tho. I headed to work and got there nearly 10 minutes early. Typical shit. I clocked in and my 6 hours of standing began! I counted in the register, put numerous piles of clothes back, folded towers of clothes, organized hangers, fixed mannequins, dressed mannequins, greeted customers, found customers' requests and sold clothes. Everything went by rather quickly. I don't know how though! Anyway, towards the end of work, I needed my paycheck, but the safe wouldn't open. Oh man, my manager was upset and yah! Anyway, we left the store around 9:30 and I headed back to West Covina! Visited B then headed home. Terrific Thursday! Haha, oh alliteration, you do me wrong.

Friday, September 4, 2009:

I woke up at 6AM today! A little bit later than the usual 5:45. I brushed my teeth and all that jazz. Dropped off my sister at school, had me some G-frey in the morning, and then dropped off my brother at school! Since then, I've been working on my essay that's due next Wednesday, reading, blogging, and making to-do lists for today.

Just a sketch, but here's what I've got so far:

6AM-Drop off sister + G-frey time

7AM-Drop off brother

8AM-Do chores; Take out the trash, wash dishes, blog, do/fold laundry, do homework, etc.

9AM-Essay, read, essay!

10AM-Clean car a little bit

11AM-Bring Major to dealership for maintenance

12PM-Gene Ian and Lalique Kae chill sesh (I hope this pulls through)

2PM-Pick up brother from school

7PM-Pick up sister from bball practice

7PM-Date with Godfrey

11PM-Home, get ready for bed, sleep!

Sounds like a great Friday! Being productive is wonderful! (:

I'll blog about some important issues a little bit later!

Fondly,

Lalique Kae

Should I

heed the warning signs?

Monday, August 31, 2009:

I spent the rest of my day with Godfrey! We spent some time at Shadow Oak Park. We looked at the view because he had not seen the new landscape yet. After looking at the view, we walked around the park a lot, saw his friend playing ball, saw Axel playing ball, and sat on the benches together. We talked, walked, and finally decided to lay out our mat on the grass on the bottom grass area. It was both of our first times to be down there. It was nice. We listened to this supposedly Buddhist instrument player while singing songs off of my iPhone. Haha, cutesy shit. Talked about picnics, the past, the future? Interesting stuff, real talk. Anyway, we chilled at his house for a while and then I bounced! I picked up my brother from his bff's house and then picked up my sister from Creekside Park! I then headed home, stayed up for a while, showered, attempted to stay up and finally fell asleep!

Today is...

Tuesday, September 1, 2009:

I woke up to some pleasant texts and a missed call from Godfrey. I took my sister to school, tried to wake Godfrey, and went home. I then talked to Godfrey, finally, and headed out to drop off my brother at school! I spent my morning doing my homework, texting Godfrey and StephyBaby and napping inconsistently. I finished my homework around 1:30. I picked up Dom at 2:30, came home, got ready, dropped off my brother at another basketball league practice, and headed over to Godfrey's! Babes was dead asleep when I got there. His momma let me in and I went to wake him. It was cute seeing him asleep, ahaha! Anyway, we took pictures, he deleted pictures, we spent time together, we sang to the radio and to each other, we sang songs off of my iPhone, and had some real talk. Once again, it was great! Haha, we went to pick up my brother from practice at 7, then headed to Joghurt! Saw Vanna workin' it, and ate happily. We dropped Godfrey off around 8ish and got home around 8:30!

Random thoughts as of late;

1. School, school, school

2. Determination and dedication

3. Contradiction and confrontation

4. The G to my L,

5. The Good to my Life,

6. The one who's Got some Like for me!

7. Dates

8. Plans, plans, plans

9. Loraine likes Major ; Major likes Loraine

10. Signs

11. Cheeks

12. Motivation!

13. Dating

14. "Almost"

15. Lbomb

16. StephyBaby!

17. VLFJ+KD+M!

18. Real talk?

19. Cuddle weather

20. New 'List'

21. Aaoow, #21! Can I hollah?

Fondly, Lalique Kae

Last Day

of August 2009!

August 2009 was pretty great, I have to admit. A lot of events took place this month that are significant to my life--as of right now, that is.

So I left off on..

Friday, August 28, 2009:

(As I had written on Friday)

Plans for today consist of;
1. Finally finish this blog
2. Get ready to go out with Valerie baby!
3. Go out from 12-2
4. Pick up brother bear
5. Drop him off at home
6. Go to work from 3:30-9:30, whoo!
7. After? I have no idea!
8. And Godfrey before bed

I finished my blog for the day, went out with my Valerie Baby, ate at Panera Bread (BOMB.COM btw), picked up my brother from school, dropped him off at home, got ready for work a little bit more, then went to work! My night ended with some G-frey! Got home super lates, talked for a bit, then slept!

Saturday, August 29, 2009:

I woke up happily, got ready for the Orthodontist, asked Papa if I could go out with Godfrey and headed out! My sister and I went to our Orthodontist in Alhambra, I got my new retainers, and some other unfortunate things. AHAHA! Oh yeah, my dad was all pissy before we left for the Ortho, which caused him to tell me that I couldn't go to Godfrey's game nor could I go out with him after his game. Wowzas, it was bizarre! Anyway, my sister and I left from the Orthodontist's and headed to Godfrey's game. I know, I know, we're bad. Haha, not really. We only stayed for a little bit! I watched the last 12 minutes of the game, and the boys lost! ); Baby made a shot while I was there tho! Bahah, after the game, I met G-frey's papa! Mmm, Godfrey and I chilled outside the gym for a while, took a religion survey, and spent a little time together. Time came when my sister and I needed to leave Jerome and Godfrey/meet up with my brother and my dad, so we did! Anyway, August 29th was Auntie's birthday too, so there was a family party! Anyway, I begged Papa to let me go out with godfrey from 1-5:30, and he let me. Hahaa, he was in a good mood at BK, so thank goodness! Anyway, Godfrey and I went out. Kicked it for a while then headed to the Puente Hills Mall! We walked around, made some jokes and attempted to shop/look at stuff. Oh, I also introduced Godfrey to Missy baby! Ahah, she was really surprised to see me with a boy. It was hilarious and Missybaby's so cutesies! Anyway, I also went to my store, saw co-workers and yeah! After a while, we headed home agains! We just chilled and talked, which is always nice with him. (: So I eventually had to leave, so I headed to my Uncle Peter's house, where the party was. We chilled there for a while, my cousins came, and we headed home. Visitor didn't show up, but s'all good! I slept, woke up, talked to Godfrey, slept, and woke up the next morning.

Sunday, August 30, 2009:

I woke up early, deciding to go to church at 10:30! I took a shower early, got ready, and it turned out that my sister and cousins wanted to come, which was totally unusual! Anyway, Godfrey woke up late, so he needed a ride to Mass, so we all went at 12! We picked up babes and headed to church! Church was nice at 12, but there were not many people! Sat next to Godfrey and Adonis. They had some cutesy moments with each other so that was kind of cute, aha! Anyway, the homily was interesting and it pertained to some things that Godfrey and I were trying to grasp the previous day. So church ended, and we headed out to the Puente Hills Mall. On the way, Godfrey and I realize how much of mall rats we have become within the past week of being together. It's hilarious, ahaha. Anyway, we bought our tickets for The Time Traveler's Wife, ate a little bit, and headed into the theatre! I briefed Godfrey throughout the movie, ahaha. It was fun and nice watching a movie with him again. For some odd reason, Gatsby and Adonis left us before the movie started? Hah, weird. Anyway, the movie was great! You should see it! It's nice especially after reading some of the book. On the other hand, you may get confused if you don't know what it's about beforehand. Otherwise, enjoy it and figure it out! When the movie was over, we headed home and chilled. Crazy shit happened with Pit and Papa! Weird too. Anyway, I wonderful weekend spent with loved ones and Godfrey! Hope there are more of these to come.

Today is

Monday, August 31, 2009:

I woke up this morning and went to school. Did the usual, as usual, and nothing out of the ordinary happened! During break, Jesmond and I walked to the Stater Bros. area. We went to $1 Boba, chilled, read, and talked. I was texting G-Frey for the majority of what I can remember. Anyway, we had class again, which went by quickly. After class, Jesmond and I went to Target to buy myself some strawberry chapstick and return my Obama book! Ever since then, I've been home. Jesmond left not too long ago, which leaves me by my lonesome. I'm waiting for Godfrey to be done with HW so we can kick it. Gotta stop by the post office and the store before I go tho! Anyway, I'll update laters! I think Godfrey's ready!

Take it easy.

PS. I need to be less detailed. My posts are always so damn long! -__- My bad, all!

Fondly, Lalique Kae

You close your eyes

As I improv' between yo' legs.

Aaoow, why am I listening to Birthday Sex at this hour?!

It is currently 3:47 according to this phone I'm blogging on. I've been up talking to Stephy for a good 3 hours.. Through text. I'm surprised I haven't fallen asleep yet. Godfrey called me around 1:30AM, so I've been up since then. Cute shit tho!

So Stephy and I have been conversating and we're just straight bonding and confessing, and having so real talk. I miss that girl siiiicklike! I love or girl talks. They're the absolte best even after a few weeks of not talking we're best friends like that, that's why. Bahah! I love you, girrrrl!

Anyway, my Friday and Saturday were great!

I'm kinda lost at the moment so I'll update lates!

Peace and take it easyyy!

Fondly, Lalique Kae

Aaooow!

Brace yourself! This is quite a post!

Dear Readers,

This should most definitely be Entry No. 13 in my journal named Harlen, but I'm slightly lazy to write. Fortunately, I am not lazy to blog today!

Lately, life has been absolutely wonderful. I'm enjoying life as things and people come and go into and out of my life. I'm living nearly a iDGAF type life, but there are things I've found myself caring about more.

The 2009-2010 school year began this week! I have class two days a week from 8AM-2:15PM. In my classes, I find myself talking to Jesmond, Anthony and Claude. It's interesting being in classes with these guys because we haven't had classes together since 4th grade. I must admit, it's amusing being in class with these boys.

Anyway, Professor Champion and Professor Taylor are awesome professors, who I look forward to spending time with for the next few months. So far, the work load seems entirely manageable which is good for me. I plan on continuing to work at the mall with my part time job, though I am seeking more hours.

Other than school, I've been opening up my social life!

Monday, August 24, 2009:

I lazily woke up at 5:30, got myself ready for the first day of school, dropped off my sister at Nogales, and picked up Jesmond. We went to our first class, attempted to add classes, ate out, went to class, left Mt. SAC, picked up my brother, and headed to my brother's basketball practice. Godfrey and his team that consisted of Josh Cambe, Stephan, Louie, and others were practicing too. I spent my time shooting around with Jerome, Bastie, and Marc. It was pretty fun. At one point, I picked up my sister, and we continued to play ball.

After the boys were done practicing we stuck around to shoot some more hoops. I talked to Godfrey for a bit, which was cool. After everyone started leaving, we decided to leave to. Mervin, my brother and I drove over to $1 Boba while my sister rode with Jerome. I spent the rest of my night texting Godfrey and relaxing. Good day.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009:

I woke up early again and began my usual routine. Jesmond and I headed off to Mt. SAC and tried to add classes again, but it was impossible! Jesmond and I headed home a little bit before 2:30. We chilled at his house, then picked up my little brother at 2:30. We then visited Nogales for a bit to see w'sup and to visit a few special people. We headed home 'cause Godfrey was going to help me wash my car then we were going to head to my brother's game together, but he was a no show? Hahaha. Anyway, my brother and I went home, we chilled, then we headed to his game at St. Lorenzo. Godfrey ended up coming along half way through the first half. We sat and talked for the entire game and after too. Brother Bear scored 8 points at this game! That's the most he's had all season, and hopefully there is more to come. I decided to treat my brother and sister out to In N Out. They ate, as we talked, texted, and laughed. I haven't eaten fast food nor have I drank soda for about 3 weeks now. Feels goooood! Anyway, we went home and I texted 'till I fell asleep. (: Good day.

OH YEAH, and this day didn't start off too well, I kind of forgot due to the way that it ended. Har har, I was just moody. PMS maybe?

Wednesday, August 26, 2009:

I woke up early again, got ready, took my sister to school, went to my classes, chilled, picked up my brother, then headed home! Godfrey came over around 3ish? We were supposed to wash my car but it was blazinnnnnn' outside, so we decided to go out instead. He took me to Banana Bay and we ate happily. Ahaha, we attempted to conversate. I noticed a lot of different things about him as well as learned some things about him that I was interested in. After eating and talking, we decided to watch a movie! We went to the Puente Hills Mall and watched 500 Days of Summer, the story of boy meets girl. It was trippy... at least for me. Ahaha, Godfrey's freakin' cutesy man! OH, we sat in front of Anne Roco and Marvyn, I believe, which was a trip. Mmm, a few random/memorable things;

1. Something like this: "Why is it that pretty girls think that they are better than everyone else and can treat others badly?"

2. OH, SUMMER! I get it now! (at the end of the movie)

3. "My name's Autumn."

4. One row back

5. Giggle, giggle

6. Cutesy shit. PERIOD.

Anyway, after the movie, we headed home! He dropped me off and headed off to basketball practice. Around 8 or 9, Godfrey came back to finally wash my car. Haha, promised! We spent out evening talking, getting to know each other, and washing my car. My dad called me and said that I needed to pick up the Van at the West Covina Mall, so Godfrey took me there. We sat for a while, my dad came, Godfrey this is my dad, Dad this is Godfrey (the usual thaaang), drove home, and talked to Godfrey 'till he fell asleep.

Thursday, August 27, 2009:

I woke up early to drop off my siblings at school. Godfrey gave me a Good Morning call, which was absolutely cute. Haha, I then spent my morning texting him and reading President Obama's Dreams from My Father. It's a great read, to be honest! I picked up my brother from school and chilled at home. Took a shower in between, picked up Momma in the neighborhood, waited for Godfrey to be done with debut practice and got ready to go out with Godfrey! Around 7, we headed over to Buffalo Wild Wings! It was my first time, and I must admit, bomb.com! I saw Megan again, met Robb, Nate, Kevin, and Aerial (my bad if it's misspelled). Dinner was great! Haha, after din dins, we were on the freeway or Grand when I mentioned that I've never been to a "Top of the World". Godfrey decided that he wanted to take me to one on the spot, so we went! Haha, went somewhere near Mitchell's house. Experienced some brick wall climbing obstacles. But when it was all over, I saw the beauty of the cities. Damn, it was amazing to be honest. Ahaha, Godfrey: "This would be really romantic... if it wasn't for those people." Lol, there were like 5 or 6 people who were there too. They were there first though, and no harm was caused to it was all good. I enjoyed my two views, Godfrey and the city lights. Absolutely breathtaking! So we stood and everything was all cutesy and awesome. After all the cuteness, we climbed the brickwalls, and had a cutesy moment of me not being able to jump down off of the wall. Ahaha anywayyyyyy we headed home around 10 and I was home by 10:20ish like I said I'd be. Said my thank you's and our goodnights, headed into the house, and got ready for bed. I spent my night talking to Godfrey again, trying to keep him up while he was doing his homework. I ended up falling asleep for like a good 30 minutes, and within those 30 minutes, he texted me saying goodnight and that he was beat. Haha and then I finally went to sleep. Best day so far! Forrrreal.

On the real, this week with Godfrey has been thee best. Beats summer!

Friday, August 28, 2009:

I woke up this morning to take my sister to school. I texted Godfrey all morning 'till he had to go for 1st period. I dropped off my brother at school, went home, then dropped off my mom at the West Covina Mall at the bus stop. Ever since then, I've been blogging and it is currently 11:14AM.

Plans for today consist of;

1. Finally finish this blog

2. Get ready to go out with Valerie baby!

3. Go out from 12-2

4. Pick up brother bear

5. Drop him off at home

6. Go to work from 3:30-9:30, whoo!

7. After? I have no idea!

8. And Godfrey before bed

So, I'll be updating this more often. I absolutely PROMISE. Pinky promise, 'cause they mean EVERYTHING.

Fondly, Lalique Kae

Jesmond's

casa!

I doubt he'll ever see this, but

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ACE BARRO!

Good afternoon bloggers!

Obviously, I'm at Jesmond's house right now. We got out of our English class all early, so we decided to kick it 'till I have to pick up Brother Bear from escuela! OMG, I just took a bite into an Eskimo Pie. Like RIGHT NOW! It's an ice cream bar thang. Shit's bomb.com maaan! Yum yums! Anyway, school's been great. It was stressful the first two days because we were still tryna add classes. I seriously wish that I knew I was going to attend Mt. SAC so I would have had more classes. Ugh, sucks balls. Two days of class a week? That's chill I guess. On the other hand, the freaking break in between our only two classes is quite a long one, unfortunately.

Today's Plans;

1. Pick up Brother Bear!

2. Go home

3. Wash my car w/Godfrey

4. Chill sesh with Godfrey

5. Read some more!

6. Make Din-Din

7. Phone? Text?

8. Sleep!

I'll update more thoroughly later!

Ta ta for now!

Fondly, Lalique Kae

I love you like a rap kid loves breaks

Dear Readers,

(If there ARE any more readers out there)

Good afternoon! It is currently 11:40AM. So I guess good morning is more suitable for the time being. Anyway, I'm here in my parents' bold-green painted room eating a bowl of delicious, green seedless grapes and drinking a glass of Tree Top Apple Juice. YUM.

Today has already been quite a morning. My mood and how the day will go has been set by this morning's activities. Let's see what is noteworthy. I woke up around 7:30AM. I quickly went into my brother's room to wake him for basketball practice, which was to begin at 8AM. I began to get ready for my brother's practice which would be followed by a visit to the Orthodontist around 9AM. It turned out that my father wanted to bring brother bear to practice, so I let him. I guess. Haha, I then spent my time from 8-8:30 getting ready for my and my sister's orthodontist appointment at 9:30. We left our house around 8:30. There wasn't much traffic on the 10, so it was quite a chill ride. We exited on Garfield and proceeded to the office. When we got to the place, we signed in. My sister was called in first, so I say myself down and began reading The Time Traveler's Wife. My read was suddenly interrupted by a dental assistant. (Side note: It's amazing how much people can change within 4 years. My sister and I have been attending monthly check-ups at Dr. Toledo's Office for 4 years. The assistant have changes, in addition to the doctors and ourselves. But their kindness and hospitality has remained constant.) I had to make a new molding of my upper set of teeth because I recently lost my retainer. Unfortunately, I have to pay for it myself. But it's part of my responsibilities. Haha, so it's all good. Yeah, so I got my molding done, then my sister and I left after getting our next appointment schedule. We went onto the 10 again, but this time there was a little bit of traffic. Exited on Azusa, stopped by Island Pacific, bought Grandfather Bear Mamon Tostada, went to Albertson's, bought some groceries and wonderful fruits, fruits, fruits! My sister and I were/are really tired. It's so funny. We were all lazy to take the groceries out of the carts, into my car, out of my car and into their designated areas in the kitchen. Ugh, we're still lazy right now, except for how I'm blogging right now. I'm just trying to kill time and relax. Oh, I made some Mac N Cheese for my sister, and I ended up having to eat some too because my Momma forced me. ):

On another note, I'm currently listening Beautiful Creation by Young Dee and talking to my cousin JC online. I was texting Godfrey and BA earlier too, but they're kinda busys!

I love Blogger. Probably only because I'm not used to Tumblr and all that other shit. I'm on Twitter's ass all the times, but it's really whatevs.

Oh! I start college on Monday! Whoohoo. Ahaha, Mt. Sac! With Best Friend Jesmond! Cutesies? Yeah.

Word Vomit:

Gene Ian Weekly

Late night phone calls

Genuine conversations

Morning messages

Listening to voicemails

Sashie the Chiweenie!

I like you!

New music

Reading like a beast

$$$ for libros!

Cleaning

Attempting to chill

Work

Work hard, play hard

Zaldy's blog?

Nikon d60

Sleeping late

Waking up early

You Belong With Me

Taylor Swift kills me

Kinks!

Quirky, interesting type

Common

End It

VLFJ+KD

Music, art, literature <3

By the way, take a look at what I stumbled upon last night on Gene Ian's wordpress:

It's quite a treat.

The harmonies are hella tight and sick!

Anyway, time for nappy poo 'till 1:30!

Then work from 2:30 till 8:30. Text it, homeh!

Fondly, Lalique Kae

Fridays

aren't what they're supposed to be.

At least for me.

Today is officially Gene Ian Diaz night.

Unless someone wants to change that.

Then again.. no one would.

Gene Ian and I are planning on having weekly chill sessions!

Tight, huh?

Forreal tho, Gene Ian Diaz is #1 on my list of keeping in touch with HS friends.

Monds, you're a given. Don't trip.

Anyway! I am currently chit chattin' with Gene Ian on AIM. He's making fun of the way I talk. Which is not a very pleasant experience. Then again, JK! He's gonna go to the mall manana so I get to see him while I'm at work. Sweet huh?

Last night and some other nights. And maybe even tonight... is/are/have been Jon Kevin Agagas night(s). Shit's cutesy. To be honest.

BA's at his friend's. He's sleeping over.

Jon Jon's at his friend's. I think. He's sleeping over?

Cuhwinkiedink? I dannos. Hence my lonely Friday night!

Lawls, I'm gonna update again later 'cause I'm getting bored.

OH lately;

The Time Traveler's Wife

Jon Kevin Agagas

New shit

Old feelings

New people!

Getting to know you

Eating

Work

Mt. Sac

Like?

Brah

Basketball

Future!

Oh and here's something interesting:

kae: awwwwww it's so sad how i miss you.
kae: LOL
kae: -________-
azz: HAHA
azz: i look at your feet picture everynight<3

Oh, Gene Ian! You make my Friday Night!

Harlen Entry No.12

Ugly ass drawing for some Yan Yan Boy -_____-

AKJYLI!

Lawls, I don't know. -______-

Dear Bloggers,
I figured that I should blog about my recent activities, since there were quite many. :D

1. OMGAH, highlight of my summer so far: Beach with Jon Jon for Anne Lin's birthday!

2. Mt. Sac has been visited by Jesmond and I a lot lately! Haha, fuck. -__-

3. Kuya Don's 4 Year Death Anniversary - August 15, 2009:

4. Brother Bear's Games - Assistant coaching, supporting, and enjoying:

5. Family gatherings:

6. I don't know, I've been happy lately.

LOL, I'm supposed to be SUPER updating while Jon Jon does his HW, but it's obviously not working out. Ahaha, Gosh, I've barely written any words. ):

Asdfghjkl; I suck.

P.S. Hola Jon Jon. Je m'appelle Lalique.

10 Things I hate About You

Just kidding, these are 10 things about me. I wrote it on a blog on my MySpace a while back. I haven't read it again 'till right now.

Shit's weird.

1. I'm extremely indecisive. I cannot make up my mind whatsoever. I hate it. This is usually the root most of my problems. My indecisiveness leads me to want to be indifferent and apathetic, but this only causes more problems. Blah. I quit. Hah.

2. I don't know who my best friends are. I know three in particular, but I'm not very sure about the rest. I'm really close to several other people, but our relationships aren't 'there' yet. Hopefully they will be. Best friends are hard to keep. =T

3. I long for and try to have a stronger relationship with God. I've been trying to strengthen my relationship with God a lot lately, believe me, I have. It's definitely hard, but I'm trying my best. I definitely envy and respect those who have a strong relationship with Him. Of course I'm Catholic and I attend church on most Sundays, but my relationship with Him needs some work.

4. I miss my 'artsy' side. I miss dancing. I really miss Kei'Alaha and I want to go back. It was my escape, my passion, my everything. I've been lost ever since I stopped. I miss how I used to draw and pastel. I was able to express myself, my emotions, and my innermost thoughts. I miss singing and actually FEELING my music. I miss having some sort of meaning to sing. I also miss how I used to write poetry. Or at least when I wrote poetry A LOT. I even wrote song lyrics. Yeah, I miss it all and so much more. I want to go back to this. I'm working on it.

5. I haven't found my ultimate happiness yet. I've been on some sort of pursuit of happiness, which has caused me to make several decisions that could alter my life significantly. I have pretty much let go of everything and I'm generally going with the flow. It's definitely not as easy as it sounds. I have had to make some extreme choices, and being indecisive does not help.

6. I love my brother and sister more than anything in the entire world. They keep me coming home. They're like my babies and I am constantly making sure that they're alright. No, I'm not faking the nice sister thing, it's forreal. I'm in love with them. Haha. Just thinking about them put a smile on my face. Yeah, you can tell how much I love them. (:

7. I actually like something about myself. Believe me, I'm not the most confident girl you'll meet. We all have our insecurities and our strong points, and I'd have to say that I like my eyes. Haha, but that the ONLY thing I like. Hahah

8. I like to write. I really, really like it. Haha. Once I start writing about something that intrigues me, I simply cannot stop. I guess you could say that I get inspired easily. I'm constantly jotting things down, from lyrics on the radio to my teachers' daily insights on life. I write poetry, but all my poems are locked up in my heart and in a secret poetry notebook.

9. I'm definitely a sucker for those cutesy lovey dovey things. I'm not the 'I need to find my Prince Charming' type of girl. Of course it's cute and all, but THAT's not me. I'm more of the 'I need to find a write-me-cutesy-little-notes and go-out-of-the-way-becuase-he-loves-me type of guy'. At the moment, I'm not exactly looking for any of this. Maybe later when the time's right. Haha. (:

10. I'm not much of an open person. I'm somewhat 'mysterious', as Rainier says. I kind of have a hard time opening up to people. I'm pretty insecure, but when I'm comfortable with someone, I'm COMFORTABLE with them. Haha. I'd like to see you try to get me to that point. (: Haha.



OH and I'll update 'bout errthang that's been going on a little bit later!

Ready? Set. Fall!

It's 4:37 AM

I think this is a matter of extreme importance.

Listen, read, analyze and let it sink in.
The key? Don't judge. This is simply a new outlook and opinion on a matter of importance. To me.

I'm at a point where I no longer know nor understand how I feel or how I should feel. It's quite a new feeling. I'm experiencing emotions out of the blue. It's absolutely bizzare.

Though I know that I should not be so negative or unconfident in myself on terms of relationships, I tend to be. I sometimes get the feeling that my #1 Fear will kick in some day, and there I'll be. Alone.

This is just all new to me. The feeling is exciting, but gives me the worst butterflies. I'm excited, but cannot seem to find my appetite. I'm content, but I want to understand so badly. I'm healing, but I hate this part.

I honestly LOATHE the part after the break up, but the part before the moving on and being okay. That unspoken part. The part known as: Getting over it. Letting it go. Going separate ways. Knowing it's only for the best. Leaving him for the better. Leaving me for the better.

I actually don't feel as bad as I thought I would, but at the same time, I don't feel as good as I thought I would. HONESTLY, I'm not sad. I'm not mad, nor am I glad. I'm honestly content, excited, and okay.

It's kind of insane how relationships work. When everything is starting to fade away and when the rough times arrive, that's when the people in the relationships start caring. When your partner is near to leaving you and feeling that maybe it's for the best, THAT is the very moment that you try your hardest to keep them. Is that not bizzare? It most definitely is. You want them when you can't have them. And you don't want them as much when you've got 'em right in front of you. When all is going badly, you want things to go well, but when all is well, what do you want? Some look for something even better, something outside of their relationship. Some people know that if they want to keep the good status of their relationship, they must act accordingly. But why is it that when your partner is going to leave you, or when you are going to leave your partner, or when you two mutually decide to go separate ways, you, she, he, or I feel that I should try to keep me, her, him, or you?

I don't want to be like that this time. It's not that I don't want to go back. It's not that I'm holding back from going back, I just don't want the cycle to repeat. It's been repeating.

Then again, how do you let a 3 year relationship go just like that? I honestly don't know. I'll let you know when I'm over and done. For now, I'm on a mission to understand how to deal. Understanding how to deal is important for me right now. I'm learning how to deal without him. I'm learning how to deal with others. I'm learning how to deal with college. I'm learning how to deal with dating. I'm learning how to deal with life, and ultimately, love.

I am not alone in my journey. I'm finding old souls and new souls wanting to accompany me in my hardships, downfalls, and ups. It's comforting really, but I tend to back off of these souls. I tend to isolate myself, so HEED MY WARNING. I may isolate myself, but please know that is NOT a good thing for me. Keep me coming back, keep me talking. Keep me from falling.

I can honestly say that I am afraid of falling again. I'm afraid of falling hard. I'm afraid of my heart falling out of it's safe socket, and falling down into my stomach. I'm afraid of finding that genuine connection again. I'm afraid of finding out if it'll work out or not. I'm ULTIMATELY afraid of finding someone who ACTUALLY LIVES HERE. I don't know why but I don't know how to handle that yet. I'm tryna find my way to deal with that concept. Haha, I'll let you know how that goes later on. I'm NOT AFRAID of knowing that I may be afraid. It's okay to be.

After being in a 3 year, long distance relationship. I've learned a lot, let me tell you that. It's amazing how much you can learn from someone and about someone after just seeing them during the summer and winter only. It's amazing how many minutes you use on him during one month alone. It's amazing how you notice all the great things about that person and understanding that their bad qualities make them the great person that they are. It's amazing how a love can blossom out of the weirdest and most peculiar relationships. It's amazing how everyone can tell you that he's not the one for you. That he's not good enough. That you lowered yourself and your standards, but you stick with him. And that's what love is about it's about all of this.

... and when the times comes, it's time to realize that the summer and winter visits have lessened in length. It's time to realize that the minutes you talk to him in one month lessen with the lessening of topics to talk about. It's time to realize that there are definitely great things about him, but there are some very NOT great things about him that you have forced yourself to accept. It's time to realize that love blossoms out of all sorts of situtations and it doesn't matter what anyone else says. It's time to realize that no matter what everyone else says, it's your opinion and decisions that count. You make the call. You set the standards. You call the shots. But then again, I still find that this is what love is all about.

It's different for everyone, and it's important to understand that. I hate imagining a love that is only a dream, and receiving a love that surpasses it all. I hate it because it'll either stay or leave, just as your companion may stay or leave. It's all about the process and the process of understanding and accepting.

I hope someone will read this, understand it, and not think that I am totally insane. I hope that someone will see that I don't talk to much, it's just that I like to explain myself and clarify.

Please understand.

In the meantime, I have been having great days. I go to work a lot more nowadays. I've also been going out, and it's rather nice, really. I like to keep myself busy so that my mind is always stimulated and it's always running healthily. Jesmond's been a good character to me lately, comforting me and staying with me when needed and when not needed. I've been great though, honestly. It's just that when I find myself awake at 4:39, wanting to spill out my little heart, I can't help but do so. I'd rather not be a bother and wake someone else to express myself, but rather share it with others who tend to read. And so that I can come back to this someday and see how far I have come.

I will continue to keep myself and you updated about my status on my journey to understand and go on with life. Stay tuned if you're interested. (:

Thank you for reading. This is not nonsense.

It's a matter of extreme importance.

And These Are My Confessions

Good afternoon!

Secrets of Life:

May 2008
Random rainy days
Lies and truths
Escapades
Pictures
Post Secret
May 15, 2009
Shadow Oak Park
Maps
Plans
Talking shit
Drink, drink, drink
Sushi lunch
Phone calls
Texts
Rekindled relations
Temecula
Rendezvous
Still on my Brainnnnnnn
Marines
Longings
The "F Word," fat
Insecurities
Take It From Here
Hit me!
Dance, freak, grind
Lured trouble
First love
Serenades
Close encounters
Voicemail serenades

.. Secrets of My Life

Still in Glendale. At my cousins', near the Glendale Galleria. No fireworks tonight I guess. Errthang's in L.A. ):

Update again later! Feeling a bit too random.

Jon Jon is Insane!

Jon Jon says that since I work from 3:30-9:30, I work 7 hours.

Haha this foo is ridiculous! We've been on phone for the past hour and a half. I've been spending the last 3 hours watching movies on TV. It's been pretty tight. Armaggedon, The Animal, She's All That, and Never Back Down. I'm not tired, but Jon Jon thinks I am. Bahah.

Jon Jon just said that I fell asleep. Hah, he forgot I'm blogging. Ahaha.

I want to go shopping tomorrow and Sunday. I just wasn't in the mood to shop today (Friday).

Lately:
Food
Happier
Movies, movies, movies
Hungry
Parched
Sashie baby!
Chiweenie
Seeing things
Megan Fox?
Water run
Overpriced clothing
21 questions
"Homo" movies
Soft spots
All-nighter
Phone till the early hours of the morning
Loud ticking clocks
Shopping
Not in the mood
Dumbass-silver-celica-driving bitch -____-
Underground Fight Clubs?
Dirty music
Tired eyes
Serenade?

Goodnight.

Now say you're a bird too

Good afternoon, Bloggers!

It's nearly the beginning of July and I have yet to blog very much this month. I haven't blogged in about 3 weeks and a half. I have actually been finding myself attempting to blog, writing down all my thoughts and feelings, never finishing, and deciding to delete rather than post. It's rather sad, really... So here I am. I've decided to write a lil' somethin' somethin' just to clear my conscience.

Random Facts:

Random Fact #1: I miss BA terribly.
Being alone for such a long period of time is depressing, really it is. You absolutely do not know how this feels until you experience such a feeling. BA and I live approximately 1,550 miles away from each other. We've been in an almost-3-year relationship and it is still going strong. The one feeling besides the love, passion, and devotion that has lingered throughout these past 3 years is loneliness and longing. It gets rather lonely whenever BA leaves for Texas again. The feeling of being unable to touch, smell, hear, taste, and see the one you love and long for makes you feel desparate, alone, and sad. The feeling of knowing that just a week ago, he was in your arms, in your tight embrace, and in your reach hurts more than anything. But then, about 5 months later, he returns again. Once again, you are suffocated by each other's embrace, you are showered with each other's kisses, and you are ultimately overwhelmed with happiness. You experience several new things, new adventures, and new paths. As the journey of either a week or a month or even 2 months comes to an end, you find yourself having to let go again. You find yourself having to watch him pack up his things. You find yourself making him a goodbye present. You find yourself watching him load his luggages into his brother's car. You find yourself in his arms, suffocating from a tight embrace that only say that he'll be back... that he'll hope you're still waiting for him to return once more. You find yourself endulged in those last few kisses and a hug that lasts 10 minutes. You find yourself standing in front of him, pulling his body towards yours, as the last memory of feeling him that close to you. You find yourself looking into his eyes, making him cross his heart and promise to be faithful, happy, and safe. You find yourself walking with him to your car, watching him open your door, sitting in your car, adoring him as he puts on your seatbelt because he wants to make sure you're safe, watching him turning on your car, letting go of his hand and saying "I love you" and "Thank you for everything, again", watching him close your door, opening your window for one last kiss, and watching him walk away and into his brothers car. You find yourself wanting more, missing him already, and wishing he didn't have to leave. No tears fall, but your heart falls into his hands where you hope he'll keep it safe, never knowing the possibilities of your improbable romance. And yet, I long for this cycle to repeat.

Random Fact #2: I need to make plans!
One-On-One with:
1. Val pal gal pal
2. Stephanie Kartanata
3. Andrew Choe
4. Francis Tiempo!
5. Andrew Melchor
6. Gene DIAZ!
7. Rhey Olmedo

Puppy Play Date with:
1. Angeline Vibar and puppies!

Chill Day with:
1. Jesmond AND Fawzi
2. Rhey, Gene, and Adam

Random Facts About Me:
#1 I like dirty songs.
#2 I've been writing poetry since I was in 6th grade.
#3 I think I'm going to lose my memory one day.
#4 I like a lot of ice in my beverages.
#5 I am in more favor of the cold than the heat.
#6 Spending time with people and making time for people is not my forte.
#7 I absolutely do not know who my best friends are.
#8 I do not feel pity for anyone who does not deserve it anymore.
#9 I loathe how I miss people who I should not.
#10 I spend my money and paychecks on my family, puppy, friends and boyfriend.
#11 I can not tell the difference between Pepsi and Coca Cola ):
#12 I'm extremely picky.
#13 I seem to be the only one who tries to keep my entire family together.
#14 My brother and sister are my kids.
#15 I can not keep up with my friends anymore.
#16 I can not keep up with current affairs.
#17 I absolutely love sunflowers. They're my favorite.
#18 I love surprises, but I hate anticipating them!
#19 I tend to give more than I receive.
#20 I like to take pictures.
#21 I'm a liar, sometimes.
#22 I adore my boyfriend.
#23 I'm not shady.
#24 I can not stand immature people.
#25 I over think. A lot, a lot, a lot.
#26 I prefer to watch movies in the theatre, rather than wait until the DVD comes out.
#27 I graduated, but don't feel very different.
#28 I'm a sucker for old people in love.
#29 I honestly need attention from my loved ones.
#30 I'm not into rock hard abs, a bomb.com body, nor a sexy fascade.
#31 I have a list of things I want my children to know about my generation.
#32 I keep a planner of yearly, monthly, weekly, and daily activities.
#33 I want to travel more.
#34 I have THEE worst menstruation symptoms.
#35 I love Dachshunds.
#36 I don't like Chihuahuas very much, though my dog is a mix.
#37 I love my mother's cooking.
#38 I have a Chiweenie puppy named Sashie but I want to name him Toast.
#39 I write poetry.
#40 I try to play the guitar.
#41 I am not in favor of the heat
#42 Jesmond is my best friend
#43 When I'm upset, I write. A lot.
#44 I love cleaning my car, no joke.
#45 Washing the dishes and washing/folding laundry are my favorite chores.
#46 I work more now that it's summer time
#47 I love jogging on cool summer mornings when the sun's out.
#48 I have asthma.
#49 I adore summer and winter, when I get to see my boyfriend again
#50 I've lost someone dear to me.

Sorry this isn't much of a blog, I'm not exactly in the mood to write about my life lately. I just feel like a few little things that are short and sweet.

Summer time (: